Managing your Remote for this Sports Extravaganza Weekend

Top Five Rules to Manage Your Remote

Wrestling the remote away from your girlfriend and family isn’t always easy on Saturday. But that’s why you’re the man of the house – that is your scepter on Saturdays so seize it with authority! This Saturday is no exception. With the Breeder’s Cup, LSU-Alabama, there’s no shortage of sports to wreck your weekend plans.

So how do you get down with all the action without missing a beat? Easy. This is your day, and you aren’t going to slip up. You’ve been a remote jockey for decades now. You can do this. Don’t worry, we’re here to help you out.

Rule #1 – SET YOUR FAVORITES
Unless you’re living in the stone ages (don’t be offended by this if you live in the mid-west) you have digital TV or satellite. Well guess what? You can set your favorite channels. The “recall” button won’t be enough, especially with you splitting time between four or more events. Figure out which channels are broadcasting these events, set them as your “favorites” and it’ll make scrolling through these games so much easier.

If you don’t know how to do this, then congratulations. You’re paying for something that you didn’t even knew existed. You’re the same kind of guy that didn’t know your cell phone could record contacts or that your car didn’t have sun roof. “I thought it was another window!”

Rule #2 – TECHNOLOGY IS YOUR FRIEND
Tons of sites out there use a live game cast to tell you what’s happening in the games. If the OSU-Iowa game hits a low point, keep track of it online with a stats updater. Find one that can tell you if they’re in the red zone and you’ll be fine.

Rule #3 – BREEDERS CUP PICTURE-IN-PICTURE
For some reason, when I went to buy my new flat screen I completely forget to check if the thing could do picture-in-picture. I was OUTRAGED by this, but waaaay too lazy to go return it. Cut me some slack, it was unboxed and plugged in. I wasn’t about to undo all my forward progress!

If your TV has PIP then consider yourself lucky. Put the Breeder’s Cup in PIP just so you can watch the exciting two-minutes of action there actually is. Trust me – you don’t want to miss these kinds of things. They’re too much fun.

Rule #4 – NO PVR
Don’t pull the “I’ve got two receivers, I’ll just TiVO one of the games and watch it later!” move. This is a HUGE sports day and the only person more excited about it more than you are you friends. They’ll call you, text you, or you’ll stumble across a result by accident somewhere along the line. Don’t run the risk. You have been preparing for this day your entire life. Now is the time to test your supreme remote jockey abilities. Only the strong will survive. The weak will rely on a recorder so they can watch it later. Listen, the next day is NFL Sunday and you’ll be so drunk by Saturday night that you’ll forget how to pull yourself off the couch and use the bathroom. Test your might, friend.

Rule #5 – Get Rid Of The Family
This should be automatic. You spend all week working your face in to the mud to provide for these guys. So get them out of the house. And if your wife doesn’t understand, then you married the wrong woman. Ok, sorry, that was mean. I’m sure she’s a sweetheart, and a helluva cook, but unless she’s slow cooking chili for you and the boys on Saturday she’s of no use to you. Send them to the zoo or something. I don’t care if it’s November and it’s freezing. Get your priorities straight, man!