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Oscars Breakdown - The Hurt Locker Dominates!
by Tim Furious
Kathryn Bigelow made history at the 82nd Oscars by becoming the first person to beat her ex-husband in a category, and also the first woman to take home the honor of being Best Director. The Hurt Locker made more waves at the Kodak Theater by winning four more Oscars, including best original screenplay by Mark Boal.
Yet the biggest storyline coming out of the Oscars was that Avatar failed to win Best Picture or Best Director. People likened the film to the Lakers and Yankees, and that spending a half-billion on a picture doesn’t necessarily buy you an Oscar. You know what? For the most part I agree with that. The Hurt Locker winning the major awards says that great story telling trumps mega production values, as it should.
Cameron, however, isn’t without his own personal triumphs and frankly I’m sick of the haters out there who are hopping on the anti-Cameron bandwagon. I said in my Oscar preview that what Avatar accomplished as a production will set the bar for blockbusters for years to come. Visually and aesthetically, it’s a technical marvel which is why it rightfully won all the major awards for effects.
However, Cameron’s biggest achievement wasn’t the Oscar nominations nor the obliteration of box office records. Not to diminish either of those adulations, but I for one am in complete awe that Cameron was able to actualize a personal dream – the movie itself.
It’s been beaten to the ground that Avatar was a “movie in the making for over ten years”. Back then, Cameron ventured to make the movie but didn’t feel that the technology existed to make his vision a plausible reality. How often do any of us get to see our biggest dreams brought to life? James Cameron did. How are your dreams coming along?
On to my unofficial Furious Oscar Awards!
Steal Of The Night – Sandra Bullock Over Meryl Streep
Bullock’s career has been admirable, but her role as Mrs. Tuohy in The Blind Side wasn’t that far of a stretch for any woman. It certainly wasn’t as charming as the reflection of Julia Child played by Meryl Streep.
At times an actor wins the Oscar as a lifetime appreciation for her work, but Bullock’s career has been filled with movies like Speed,, Hope Floats, Forces of Nature and Miss Congeniality. Those are some of her best movies! There’s no way this was a lifetime achievement award.
I really liked The Blind Side as a movie, and Sandra Bullock was terrific in it. But Oscar worthy? I didn’t see it. Mrs. Tuohy was a hard nosed, no nonsense kind of gal that experienced almost zero personal growth. She begins the movie as a generous, well-to-do, working woman and ends the movie the same way.
Worst Dress Of The Night – Judd Nelson During John Hughes Tribute
At first I didn’t recognize him. In fact nobody in the room recognized him. “Is that Judd Nelson?!” What the hell happened to this guy? Yikes. Make fun of Charlize’s dress all you want, but whomever but Nelson’s ensemble together should be ashamed of himself. And yes, Judd, we know you dressed yourself.
Most Pretentious Moment – Sandy Powell’s Speech For Costume Design
“Well I already have two of these” is how she started and I don’t even care how she ended it.
Best Unintentionally Funny Moment – The Nerds Get Banished
The guys who got all the Sci-Fi awards for the Oscars got their own, separate show, and weren’t even allowed on the stage or in the audience at the real one. If Hollywood is full of the popular kids, I think it’s pretty sad that the nerds don’t even get invited to the cool kids’ party as grown ups. That being said…NNNNNEEEERRRRRDDDDDDS!!!
Worst Comedic Attempt – Ben Stiller Dresses Up (Again)
Enough with Ben Stiller at the Oscars! This clown came out dressed like one of the Navee from Avatar and though he was self-ripping during his presentation, it didn’t stop him from looking like a complete terd. I know comics tend to be “on” all the time, but if anyone knows where the “off” switch for Ben Stiller is, you owe it to your community to end this tirade of horse crap now.
Phrase Of The Night – “Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
Did you get the feeling that anybody who had to talk about this movie was getting sick of mentioning that it was “Based on the novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”? First of all, almost every other movie at the Oscars was based on a book. This wouldn’t have worked for any other movie, by the way.
“Nominated for best actor, from the motion picture ‘Up In The Air’ based on the book ‘Up In The Air’…” Nope. Just doesn’t work.
Second of all, since when did authors get to start naming themselves like superheroes or wrestlers? I know this is awkward coming from a guy named “Tim Furious” but my last name is impossible to pronounce. Sapphire’s real name is Romona Lofton. If I ever have a book published, I’m getting my agent to refer to me as “Superfast Crazy Strong Guy”. Has a nice ring to it. Also, if I ever wrote a book turned in to a movie, you’d get to hear the phrase “based on the book by Superfast Crazy Strong Guy”.
Best Decision Of The Night – Tom Hanks Wraps It Up Quickly
By the time we got to the best picture award it was past midnight and I was fighting fatigue and cramps in my hand from taking too many notes. Thank the lord Hanks decided to announce the Best Picture winner like he knew everyone in TV land was ready to go to sleep, if they hadn’t already.
