MMA News - DMX Drops Out... Replaced by Coolio
by Tim Furious
Not really sure if you can file this under “MMA News” but the Alabama Pride fight scheduled for December has made a slight adjustment. The card is headlined by a showdown between two, fat, white guys named Butterbean and Tank Abbott, but the fight everyone is talking about was the throwdown between DMX and Eric Martinez. Instead of DMX, however, Eric Martinez will be delighted to hear that he’s fighting Coolio. Yes, that Coolio.
DMX cited “safety concerns” as the reason for yanking himself out of the fight. It’s tough to actually figure out if he didn’t know that a FIST FIGHT might actually be hazardous to the health of a 38-year old rapper with no experience, but this is the same guy that gave out the obvious title “It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot” when he debuted in 1998 with Def Jam. He has a follow-up album scheduled in December called “It’s Scary and Fights Are Dangerous”.
Meanwhile, Alabama Pride has proven its endless resourcefulness by bringing on Coolio to replace the hardcore image of DMX. The rapper, turned reality TV star/whore, will reportedly walk out to the song “1,2,3,4” with alterations to the lyrics that include “please scrape my lifeless body off the floor”. It’s unknown if Coolio will be “Too Hot” while he “Hit ‘Em High”, but the Lord knows that Martinez will be glad to visit “Gangsta’s Paradise” and send Coolio on a “Fantastic Voyage” (to the hospital).
Reportedly, when DMX asked Alabama Pride “How’s It Goin’ Down” they responded by telling him he’d be punched, kneed, elbowed and kicked in the face…a lot. DMX wanted to “Come Back In One Piece” by fixing the fight so he’d win, even though his camp has stated he’s “Innocent Man” on the allegations. Instead, we get to watch 48-year old Coolio get his face mashed up.
If Alabama Pride really knew what they were doing, they’d have signed Suge Knight. There’s nobody in the hip hop universe that people would love to see get their asses kicked more than Knight. And if they really wanted people to watch, they would’ve locked the Black Eyed Peas in a cage match with a bunch of hillbilly chainsaw murderers.
