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Tale of the Betting Tape: Earth vs Aliens Odds, Predictions

On Tuesday, I wrote about what I would consider a fringe topic with a betting preview of Wednesday’s Congressional Baseball Game. Today, I expected to return to my average MLB future advice or ranting about something that I find annoying in America’s pastime.

However, I noticed a tab on the BetUS Sportsbook that, admittedly, I’ve never seen before. That tab is titled “Novelty Odds.” I hadn’t clicked on a link that fast since I had to help a Nigerian prince recover his stolen funds. I’m still waiting for my end of that deal but patience, as we know, is a virtue.

Beam Me Up, Scotty! Sorry Humans, I’m Betting on the Aliens
Interstellar cities | TIM VERNON / TVE / Science Photo Library via AFP

As I looked at BetUS’s overwhelming number of novelty props, one stood out among the rest — a shining beacon of content on a Wednesday morning.

Now, here’s a proposition that’s truly out of this world. The odds header simply reads, “Who will win a war if aliens attack planet Earth?

It’s a question that’s as unique as it is intriguing, and it’s just one of the many novelty props that BetUS has to offer.

I mean, c’mon. Who could pass up diving down that rabbit hole? I know it’s a wild idea, but let’s have a little fun on Hump Day as we wait for the highly anticipated first pitch of the Congressional Baseball Game.

Aside from the obvious, one thing that caught my eye about this prop is the odds. According to the bookmakers at BetUS, who must moonlight as intergalactic war journalists, the aliens are underdogs to conquer the pale blue dot at +200. Earth is at -300.

Well, absurd or not, my sports betting brain will not let me pass up the value of fading the human race.

 

Beam Me Up, Scotty! Sorry Humans, I’m Betting on the Aliens

Alright, folks, buckle up because we have an out-of-this-world betting preview for you. The ultimate cosmic showdown: Earth (-300) vs. Aliens (+200). Let’s break down the odds and see who might come out on top in this intergalactic face-off.

 

1. Earth (-300)

Strengths:

  1. Resourceful Human Ingenuity: From inventing the wheel to landing on the moon, humans have shown a knack for problem-solving. Expect some MacGyver-esque tactics involving duct tape, chewing gum and nuclear material.
  2. Military Might: Earth boasts advanced militaries with an arsenal of weapons, from nukes to laser-guided missiles. Plus, we have John Cena and the Rock, and if Hollywood has taught us anything, they can save us from anything. As far as we know, we have the best military in the universe, which is hard to bet against.
  3. Tactical Knowledge of Aliens: We have a plethora of alien invasion movies as training material. From “Independence Day” to “War of the Worlds,” we’ve been preparing for this moment. Because these movies are documentaries of things that haven’t happened yet, there should be no issue taking down the aliens when they attack. We just need a drunk Randy Quaid in a crop duster and we will be fine.

 

Weaknesses:

  1. Global Disunity: Getting humans to agree on pizza toppings is hard enough, let alone a coordinated defense strategy. Also, there is that pesky language barrier to contend with.
  2. Overconfidence: We tend to underestimate the unknown, and aliens might not play by our rules or even understand the concept of rules.

 

 

 

2. Aliens (+200)

Strengths:

    1. Advanced Technology: If sci-fi movies are any indication, and I’m guessing they are, these guys have technology that makes our smartwatches look like sundials. Expect teleportation, cloaking devices and maybe even mind control.
    2. Unknown Capabilities: Their biology, tactics and weapons are complete mysteries. They could have powers we’ve never imagined.
  • Potential Hive Mind: I’ve also learned from researching movies like “Arrival” and “Oblivion” that these unwanted visitors sometimes operate via a hive mind. This means that what one being sees and hears, they all see and hear. And people say that humans in 2024 are too connected due to social media and cell phones.

 

Weaknesses:

  1. Underestimation of Humans: Aliens might overlook the resilience and adaptability of humans. They might also get confused by our memes and cat videos.
  2. Potential Vulnerabilities: In “Signs,” it was water; in “War of the Worlds,” it was germs. In “Independence Day” it was an inspirational speech by Bill Pullman. Aliens might have a hidden Achilles’ heel.

 

 

Intergalactic Way Betting Predictions

As much as I love the planet we currently inhabit and some of the humans that inhabit it, I can’t reasonably recommend betting on us to win a war against aliens. The thing is, if aliens do attack us, they first would have to get here. While we’ve all been on long road trips, crossing a galaxy or two is a distance most people can’t comprehend.

The act of making this trip in less than billions of years is something our science currently can’t come close to replicating.

Therefore, any species with the technology to reach us should also be able to wipe us out in a single afternoon. We could get lucky with a real-life Hollywood moment, but I think your best bet is for us to be exterminated quickly and quietly.

My only concern is that when we eventually are exterminated, how will I be paid for winning this prop?

 

 

Odds and information are accurate at the time of writing. Please check with official sources for the latest updates before placing any bets.

 

Questions of the Day

Who is the favorite if the aliens attack Earth?


Earth is -300 and the aliens are +200 at the sportsbook.

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