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ENTERTAINMENT | May 20

Are Bill Belichick and Jordon Hudson Engaged!?

Allegedly Yes, Which Somehow Makes Perfect Sense and Zero Sense at the Same Time

Are Bill Belichick and Jordon Hudson Engaged!?
Head coach Bill Belichick of the North Carolina | Peyton Williams/Getty Images/AFP

What Are We Even Doing Here 😭💍

This relationship has been a content trainwreck since day one.

According to the New York Times, Bill Belichick’s girlfriend, Jordon Hudson, has allegedly told someone they’re engaged. Which…what the hell? Can’t deny that it tracks, though. Once you’ve posted a photo of your NFL coach boyfriend pretending to reel you in while you’re dressed like a mermaid, marriage kind of feels like the only next step.

I want to say I’m shocked, but come on. This relationship has been a content trainwreck since day one. You don’t trademark “Do Your Job (Bill’s Version),” buy custom beach art of your man using you as a yoga prop, and start calling yourself the COO of Belichick Productions unless you’re playing for the long game. And I respect that. I fear it, but I respect it.


 

Bill Belichick and Jordon Hudson Are Inescapable

 


Quick Recap for Anyone Who Blacked Out Mid-Mermaid

Let’s just go through a few things this woman has done since Bill Belichick UNC football became her personal side quest:

  • She got an HBO Hard Knocks series scrapped because she wanted ownership of the footage. Of him.
  • She tried to trademark slogans Belichick made famous, but added “(Bill’s Version)” like some sort of weird Taylor Swift reference.
  • She referred to their JetBlue meeting as their “meetiversary,” which is something I will never truly understand.
    She showed up to college football games in go-go boots, with that signature smirk of hers to match.
  • She reportedly told someone they’re engaged. And now here we are.

 

The Wedding’s Gonna Be Unhinged, Right?

If this thing actually happens, do not expect some private little coastal ceremony with traditional vows. No. We’re getting drone shots. There will be a Carolina-blue theme. The cake will be shaped like a Patriots hoodie. Jordon will walk down the aisle in her pageant dress. And I can’t wait.

I Can’t Look Away

Is she a gold digger? A girlboss? A mastermind? Couldn’t tell you. But one thing’s for sure: Bill Belichick and Jordon Hudson are somehow the weirdest, most fascinating thing to ever happen to celebrity rumors in recent history. People wondering “how old is Jordon Hudson?” will keep this thing relevant forever.

If this Chapel Bill (Bill’s Version) marriage really goes down? I’m watching every second. With popcorn. And possibly legal representation.

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