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ENTERTAINMENT | Apr 10

Hot Pockets – These Gems Were Once Married to Sports Celebs

Model Gisele Bundchen
Model Gisele Bundchen - Evan Agostini / Getty Images North America / Getty Images via AFP

I’m back again, and honestly, this job is so challenging I may have to consider early retirement. But for now, I’m staying strong for the people and researching the stunning beauties of the sports world so that you don’t have to.

Athletes love to be in control, which often results in volatile relationships. And with that said, this week we’ll preview some dime pieces that professional athletes have allowed to get away. Professional sportsmen suck at relationships but always attract beautiful women, so this was easy.

Gloria Govan vs Matt Barnes

Do not mess with a woman scorned; I repeat, fellas, DO NOT mess with a woman scorned. Former NBA player Matt Barnes learned this the hard way. Making his hostile relationship public on Basketball Wives probably wasn’t the best marriage counseling. Still, after his divorce from the beautiful Gloria Govan in 2016, she took more than the house – she went on to marry former NBA player and coach Derek Fisher, Barnes’ ex-teammate. Talk about teamwork, huh?!

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A post shared by Gloria Govan (@glogovan)

Kim Kardashian vs Kris Humphries

Unsurprisingly, one of the Kardashians made it onto our list. If we combine the number of athletes these ladies have bedded, we could create a new franchise with starters, backups, and future prospects.

However, Kris Humphries managed to bag Kim early. So early that most people forget they were even married. But in 2011, Humphries didn’t mind that most of his NBA teammates and friends had seen his wife indulging in Ray J’s manhood via a “leaked” sex tape; he knew this was the woman he’d grow old with. Well, old, meaning 72 days older than you were on the wedding day – the time it took for them to divorce.

Humphries will at least look back and be relieved from escaping that bullet after watching the mental breakdown of Kayne West.

Evelyn Lozada vs Chad Johnson

Oh, Chad, what an idiot you are. And here’s a prime example of why an athlete’s ego must be tamed. Of course, Evelyn Lozada probably dished out her fair share of insults, but what sort of prick (“allegedly”) headbutts his wife?

As one of the best receivers the Cincinnati Bengals had ever owned, the six-time Pro Bowl player made millions. Karma crept into the courtroom following his divorce as Evelyn apparently received the house and half of his money. A rough but deserving end to Johnson’s marriage that lasted a measly 41 days – what a pathetic excuse of a man.

Eva Longoria vs Tony Parker

If this was a list of the dumbest athletes of all time, former San Antonio Spurs man Tony Parker would be topping the list. He won several NBA titles, but one of his biggest life achievements was bagging the beautiful Eva Longoria. But imagine committing adultery just months after putting a ring on her finger? CTE isn’t common with former basketball players, but there’s something wrong with this guy.

Adding insult to injury, it was revealed in court that Parker was cheating with Erin Barry, the wife of his teammate Brent Barry. These basketball players epitomize the meaning of teamwork.

Eva is more famous and relevant than Parker, so she must have been in it for love… What a damn shame.

Tom Brady vs Gisele Bundchen

With over two decades spent as one of the best NFL players in history and 13 years married to the gorgeous Gisele Bundchen, Tom Brady is now single and retired from football. Coincidence? I think not…

When you’re the GOAT, there aren’t many females turning away. Brady is free from the NFL and free from a nagging supermodel wife; it’s time to hit the club. In all seriousness, Brady is 45, and I’m sure Gisele is lovely. But come on, does a man give up the two loves of his life within five months by coincidence?

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A post shared by Gisele Bündchen (@gisele)

Haley Kalil vs Matt Kalil

Matt Kalil, former offensive tackle for the Minnesota Vikings, bagged himself a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. He wasn’t the most prolific player and probably one of the most wasted draft selections the Vikings have ever made. He was mediocre, injury prone, and he presented a bad attitude during his NFL tenure. I guess his distasteful personality translated to his marriage because this goof also failed in that.

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