Sadly, bumpin’ uglies at Wimbledon is no longer accepted
The latest piece of tennis news is not about which players are advancing to the next round at Wimbledon or who’s the favorite to win the upcoming US Open. Oh no, it is better! Apparently, people have been having sex in Wimbledon’s prayer room and the posh execs are not happy about it.
Wimbledon was once a genteel world of Pimms, poshos and strawberries n’ cream.
But in recent years the tournament has descended into a hotbed of sex, drugs and sordid scandal.
From shagging in the prayer room to MDMA in the champagne, welcome to Wimbledon’s seedy underbelly… pic.twitter.com/rbtOKJ06ay
— The Upshot (@UpshotTowers) July 4, 2023
As well explore a variety of other tennis odds here to win!
Shagging in the Chapel
Oh my, this is a story that is so deliciously decadent that it’s like eating fried ice cream smothered in fudge and topped with marshmallows. Let’s just savor the flavor of couples reportedly doing the horizontal mambo inside Wimbledon’s prayer room while the rest of the aristocratic attendees quietly sip Cristal and delicately pick at the Beluga caviar assortment before them.
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All of those business tycoons mixing with British royalty in their luxury suites replete with private balconies, whiling away the afternoon in luxurious grandeur. But now we are finding out that there’s more going on than just a regal collection of the beautiful people pretending to enjoy a world-class tennis tournament. Yes, according to tennis rumors, couples are making their way to Wimbledon’s prayer room where “Oh my God” has taken on a whole new meaning.
And now armed with this new information, what are we to make of the Queen’s Box at Wimbledon? Is that a double entendre that has been escaping us for centuries? I shall never think of a sweet spot, forehand stroke, backhand stroke, or rubber match the same way again.
Keep It Clean
Alright, so according to Sally Bolton, chief executive of the All England Lawn Tennis Club and now universally known as Debbie Downer, the “sanctuary” must be respected and not abused—and that goes double for self-abuse, dammit!
Speaking on the first day of the tournament, she said: “It’s a really important space. So, we will be retaining it and we’ll be making sure that people are using it the right way. If people need space to go to pray, it’s the quiet space for that. There is an opportunity to breastfeed in there. But we are looking for it to be used in the right way.”
Perhaps the royals would prefer to call it an amorous congress but there is no question that there have been more than a few visits from ol’ One-Eye as he makes a trip to Pound Town to do the no-pants dance. It’s an assault with a friendly weapon to be sure but it has no place at the All England Lawn Tennis Club. “Let’s maintain a shred of decency,” the members sniff!
So, what happens now? This was Wimbledon’s version of the Mile High Club only everyone’s heard of people bumpin’ uglies at 40,000 feet. Who woulda thunk that the hallowed halls of Wimbledon would be desecrated by the beast with two backs? The secret is out and it’s unconscionable, unthinkable, and…unf*cking-believeable!
Is it too late to get tickets?