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NCAAB | Mar 22

Oakland’s Jack Gohlke Makes March Madness History

The First Shock of the Big Dance Came as No. 14 Oakland Stunned No. 3 Kentucky

Oakland's Jack Gohlke Is a March Madness Legend
Jack Gohlke #3 of the Oakland Golden Grizzlies/Tim Nwachukwu/Getty Images/AFP

Nothin’ but Threes!

[Gohlke] looks like everyone’s crazy uncle who plays in a beer league for middle-aged dudes…

In college basketball news, Oakland’s Jack Gohlke led a withering three-point assault, dropping 10 treys on Thursday night which paved the way for his team’s stunning 80-76 victory over No. 3 Kentucky in the first round of the Big Dance.

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Crazy Uncle Jack

If you were watching NCAA men’s basketball last night and decided to make a wager on Kentucky, you may have been fairly impressed with yourself for getting the Wildcats on the dip at -13 before the game tipped. But then there came a point where you realized you weren’t even going to get an adrenaline rush for your money.

I mean if you’re going to lose with a chalky pick, the gambling gods owe it to you to at least give you a little something to root for even if your bet will eventually flame. But last night was not one of those nights because at some point you said these six words: “Who the hell is Jack Gohlke?”


Please, allow me to answer. The 24-year-old sixth-year senior is your worst nightmare. He looks like everyone’s crazy uncle who plays in a beer league for middle-aged dudes looking to relive their glory days. Anyone who’s stayed in college for six freakin’ years is a party animal. I know this because I had a frat brother named Smasher who looked a lot like Jack Gohlke.

 

Who the F*ck Is This Guy?

This transfer from a D-2 NCAA basketball school, Hillsdale College in Michigan, decided Oakland was the place where he would thrive, and thrive he did on Thursday night against one of college basketball’s blue bloods–the Kentucky Wildcats. All Gohlke did was become the fifth player ever to drain 10 three-point shots in NCAA tournament history and scored a season-high 32 points in the process.


Gohlke was the straw that stirred the drink on Thursday night for the Golden Grizzlies’ offense but it would be a crime not to mention how well the defense buckled down on one of the most prolific scoring teams in the nation. Oakland held Kentucky to 13 points below their season average of 89 points per game.

But screw that, we want to talk about Jack Gohlke. Okay, so you wouldn’t eat soup with a fork and you wouldn’t twirl spaghetti with a knife. And you most certainly wouldn’t expect Crazy Jack Gohlke to launch from anywhere on the court but beyond the arc.

Consider for a moment this 6 ‘3” bombardier tossed up 347 three-point shots, connecting on 37.8% of them, this season and attempted a grand total of eight shots from inside the arc. Yeah, eight. Let that sink in and now you know why this dude is a freak. He’s like a big Newfie bounding up and down the court, wagging his tail with his tongue sticking out, just happy to be there.


Well, seeing as I didn’t bet on the Wildcats, I was happy he was there too and so was most of America.

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