Jalen Hurts Has Me in Shambles 😮💨🔥
I’m actively swooning. I’m kicking my feet. I’m blushing.
The 2025 Super Bowl was a big night in NFL news for both Eagles QB Jalen Hurts and the city of Philadelphia. But more importantly, it was a big night for me because I got to watch Jalen Hurts run around in tight pants for four uninterrupted hours. If you’ve ever wondered what true happiness feels like, I imagine it’s exactly that.
The most underrated, under appreciated quarterback in the entire NFL showed up, yet again, on the biggest stage possible…
Jalen Hurts is a super star. Winner. Super Bowl champion. Super Bowl MVP.
Give this man his damn flowers pic.twitter.com/ftVV5Boik5
— Josh Reynolds (@JoshReynolds24) February 10, 2025
Hurts led the Eagles to a 40-22 win (Jalen Hurts’ stats were insane) and made sure Patrick Mahomes’ third consecutive ring never became a thing. But let’s focus on what really matters: Jalen Hurts is so hot it’s actually ruining my life. The Super Bowl winners get rings, but what do I get? An insatiable thirst for a man who has never made eye contact with me. And I’m okay with that.
aura 🦅@JalenHurts | #SBLIX pic.twitter.com/WSlyQRYTwo
— NFL (@NFL) February 10, 2025
A Woman-Loving Man With Arms Like That?
Now, I know what you’re thinking: canonically hot men are often red flags. But not Jalen. No, Jalen is different. His entire management team is women, which means not only does he respect women, but he also listens to them! A man who surrounds himself with smart women? I’m actively swooning. I’m kicking my feet. I’m blushing. If this man even looked in my direction, I’d immediately quit my job and start making him lunch every day.
Meet Jalen Hurts’s women-led management team: pic.twitter.com/9znWowG1Ku
— Front Office Sports (@FOS) February 9, 2025
And because the Lord wasn’t done showing off when he made Jalen Hurts, he can also model. The man did a shoot with Essence, and had the audacity to pose next to a Great Dane in some of the shots. He loves dogs too? I’m sorry, but that’s it for me. I cannot handle this. If you could do the rest of us a favor Jalen, and keep your helmet on 24/7. That’d be amazing.
Feel free to Hurt us, Jalen.
Respectfully. pic.twitter.com/DINSbq6Wup
— ESSENCE (@Essence) June 6, 2023
Super Bowl MVP
Look, I’ve always known Jalen Hurts was fine. But winning Super Bowl MVP makes him hit different. There’s something about a man standing in confetti, looking unbothered, like he didn’t just crush the dreams of an entire franchise on live TV. He didn’t even smile much, and somehow that made him hotter? I’m unwell, I think.
Jalen hurts lost in the confetti 🎉🔥
This photo is TOUGH 🥶
📸 CHANDAN KHANNA/AFP pic.twitter.com/jsCRwF3zxg
— ESPN (@espn) February 10, 2025
So yeah, we all know who won the Super Bowl, congrats to the Eagles and all that. But more importantly, thoughts and prayers for me as I try to recover from Jalen Hurts withdrawal.
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