What’s He Got Against Kittens?
Cats will steal your soul. – Mack Hollins
It was major NFL news in April when the Bills traded their headlining act at receiver in Stefon Diggs to Houston. They are looking to replace him with a committee of characters this season.
A veteran wideout who could make the Buffalo Bills roster is Mack Hollins, and he just might be the weirdest guy in the NFL. Every team he’s been on has said as much about him:
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Mack Hollins doesn’t wear shoes
Mack Hollins doesn’t use utensils
Mack Hollins thinks small cats ‘steal your soul’
Mack Hollins hasn’t eaten a vegetable in 3 yearsMack Hollins is the ‘MOST INTERESTING MAN’ on the #Bills and BELOVED by his teammates. #BillsMafia @BuffaloPlus pic.twitter.com/jQyXwiYwzW
— Dan Fetes (@danfetes) July 29, 2024
He’s Got a Point About Vegetables
First, I must say I feel him on vegetables. If it’s not corn or potatoes, I don’t want that sh*t on my plate (or burger) either. No problems there.
I also don’t always use utensils like I should, but again, that’s in the privacy of your home. If they take this guy out to a restaurant and he’s eating spaghetti with his fingers, then he might be a neanderthal. A modern-day caveman.
On the plus side, everyone should eat buffalo chicken wings with their hands. It should be a felony for anyone to eat a chicken wing with a fork.
The Barefoot Receiver
Then there’s his stance on shoes. If I’m at home, I certainly prefer to be barefoot, but I would never think to call my cleats little “foot prisons” like Hollins views them. Going outside barefoot? That’s a red flag too. His feet are his money makers, so he should take better care of them.
Mack Hollins in all his glory at #Bills camp#BillsMafia pic.twitter.com/j6KUMRNDrj
— alex brasky (@alexbrasky) July 25, 2024
Turning his teammates on to the barefoot lifestyle is a no-no. Imagine it’s the NFL preseason and Josh Allen shows up to the stadium barefoot and cuts his foot on debris from a broken table from a drunken Buffalo tailgate party.
He’s Got That Dawg in Him
But where Hollins really loses me—and gains support from VP candidate JD Vance—is when he says small cats and house cats “will steal your soul.”
I guess this is the weirdest way of Hollins trying to say he’s got that dawg in him. Cats won’t steal your soul. They’ll beg for food and go back to licking their taint and ignoring you until they’re hungry again.
Enter Tarzan! 🦍🌴 pic.twitter.com/qdH2kBDloX
— Mack Hollins (@mackhollins) July 24, 2024
Does Hollins Make the Team?
Fans are apparently warming up to Hollins, but they may not want to get attached as Buffalo would be his fifth team since 2017. He peaked in 2022 with the Raiders when he had 57 catches for 690 yards.
Mack Hollins getting loose before practice 🥰 he’s so gonna be a fan favorite. He’s a whole vibe! pic.twitter.com/VzqaytXL1r
— Nicole Becker (@Crazy4Skinner53) July 28, 2024
But with Diggs and Gabe Davis gone, the Bills have openings.
You’ll soon get to know rookie Keon Coleman, who true to form for a Gen Z receiver, he shows a childlike amusement in even the most mundane of tasks such as how to sign his contract.
Bills WR Keon Coleman didn’t know how to sign his contract 😂
pic.twitter.com/QiByZvxhB1— SleeperNFL (@SleeperNFL) July 23, 2024
Then there’s Curtis Samuel, who for the seventh year in a row, goes into training camp with “this is going to be his breakout year” hype. Maybe if it ever happens people will learn his name instead of calling him “Curtis Samuels” again.
The Buffalo Bills schedule kicks off this preseason with Chicago, who will be reminded they wasted a second-round pick on Chase Claypool in 2022. Now he’s trying to make the Bills, but if you had your choice between “Mapletron” and Bohemian Tarzan here, put your money on Hollins.
And tell him to buy something he can eat with his hands.
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