So, ladies, do you think it’s tough being a woman? Well, let me tell you, try containing a man’s testosterone-filled body during a heated dispute – I’d take childbirth over that any day.
On second thoughts, no, I wouldn’t; let’s fight!
With that said, let’s look at some of the most insane brawls we’ve witnessed in sports history.
Malice at the Palace
There was no ECW hardcore title up for grabs, but like an excerpt stolen from an early 2000s WWE scriptwriter, the Detroit Pistons players and coaches, alongside the Indiana Pacers staff, delivered a royal rumble in sports that will never be forgotten.
Ron Artest was the center of attention, and in a game where the Pistons were getting blown out, the beef unraveled when Ben Wallace shoved Artest after taking a hard foul.
Beer cans, and chairs, all that was missing were the tables.
A fan launched a beer can at Artest, and he received a punch in the face; seems fair to me, right? Although perhaps the fan in question could just see that Artest was thirsty following a tough game.
Of course, he’s a professional and shouldn’t enter the crowd to fight anybody. But I don’t care who you are or what walk of life you stem from; if you’re throwing objects at people with bad intentions, don’t be surprised when you catch a right hook to the nose.
Artests’ teammates Stephen Jackson and Jermain O’Neal joined him in the crowd in an attempt to break it up, but it soon turned into an all-out brawl.
Players and staff were attacked with beer, popcorn, and anything fans could handle, even a chair!
Artest missed the remainder of the season, and his reputation was forever tainted. However, at least his name made it into the history books, albeit for his crucial part in starting one of the biggest brawls in sports history.
The Day Athletic Bilbao Tried to Kill Maradona
Remember when Jorge Masvidal sent Ben Askren to the afterlife via a flying knee and produced one of the most viral knockout wins in UFC history?
#OnThisDay 3 years ago, @GamebredFighter recorded the fastest KO in UFC history ⏱ pic.twitter.com/j5C28QmV2n
— UFC (@ufc) July 6, 2022
I bet you didn’t know Masvidal learned this technique from the late great Diego Armando Maradona!
El Diegoteeee el Diegooo pic.twitter.com/xy2GpNEMkk
— Mejores Patadas (@mejorespatadas1) October 30, 2022
Yep, Maradona made the flying knee knockout famous, and Masvidal is nothing more than an imitator.
But I guess you’re wondering how and why? Trust me, Maradona’s actions were for the most part justified during this 1984 Copa Del Rey final between Barcelona and Atletico Bilbao.
Maradona was returning from a broken ankle injury delivered by Andoni Goikoetxea in a previous meeting between Barca and Bilbao. And the brawl between the two sides played out following an intense 90 minutes in which Diego was shown the Spanish gesture to “fuck off” after the final whistle.
This final drip of fuel was added to the fire in a game where Bilbao players looked like they wanted to murder Maradona with countless slide tackles and some of the roughest defensive approaches toward one single player we’ve ever witnessed in a soccer game.
After receiving a broken ankle from this team, further attempts to injure him upon his return, to then being told to fuck off after losing the cup final, Maradona let his anger loose and delivered a beautiful flying knee. He continued to fight his way through the team, something Dana White would be proud of.
And although Barcelona lost the game, they unquestionably won the war.
The UFC Disguised as the NHL
When Ron Delorme and Jamie Macoun let their fists fly back in 1984, they provided a brawl for sports fans that could be mistaken for a UFC Fight of the Night performance – if they weren’t wearing skates and standing on ice, that is.
#ClassicClip of the day is Ron Delorme & Jamie Macoun. 02.19.84 #HFH pic.twitter.com/sQzvKo7Qmx
— Hockey Fight History (@HistoryOfFights) February 19, 2020
Ice Hockey is renowned for its brawls, and they’re often encouraged. However, Delorme and Macoun delivered a consistent bombardment of strikes and proved to the world they owned chins of steel.
The post-game interviews displayed how much damage they both took, and although the UFC wasn’t around to hand out $50,000 bonuses, these men deserved it for their efforts.
How did somebody not get knocked out during this exchange? No idea? This CTE-inducing moment will, however, live on in the NHL history books for a lifetime.
A Baseball Bat to the Head: LA Dodgers vs San Francisco Giants 1965
The Dodgers and the Giants have hated each other since the 1950s, but their rivalry can instantly be understood when looking at the bloody face of Dodgers catcher John Roseboro.
With his leg kicked up and toes pointing to the sky, Juan Marichal is a Giants MLB legend most remembered for his unique pitching stance. But on a sunny day in 1965, after Roseboro threw a ball at him, it wasn’t a ball that Marichal was attempting to move; it was the head of Roseboro.
Marichal was lucky to avoid attempted murder charges but received a 10-game suspension and a $1000 fine – such a commendable punishment…
Usually, I’d insert a joke at this point, but the severity of this brawl is head-and-shoulders above the rest, so we’ll keep it respectful.
The New York Knicks & The Denver Nuggets Throw Down
A Carmelo Anthony sucker punch and an NCAA-esque wrestling match between JR Smith and Nate Robinson didn’t make NBA history as predominantly as the Malice at the Palace. Still, this brawl became one of the wildest scraps in sports history.
With a 19-point lead, Nuggets coach George Karl kept his first-team players present with two minutes remaining. Oh, and now you want to showboat with some fast-break dunks? The Knicks weren’t taking this behavior.
Mardy Collins came on and delivered a flagrant foul, and the rest was history; everyone was fighting, and a brawl ensued.
Enough violence for me, going to go watch some UFC reruns. Adios!