The NFL used to be a bastion of fake contracts with players signing five-year deals only to see them getting the boot a few years in with the team sleazing out from under what had turned into a financially disadvantageous deal.
NFL Superstars Want Their Money Safe
However, now the superstars are asking for guaranteed money, often in the form of bonuses that can never be rescinded with the base pay comprising but a fraction of the entire deal.
Look, I don’t begrudge any professional athlete from getting every last nickel.
They can do things I can only dream of until I have a few whiskeys in my belly and then I’m telling all the other drunks in the barroom about how that could’ve been me if I didn’t blow out my knee in high school.
However, I ask only one thing of these mega-rich, gene-pool jackpots, and that is to sign the biggest contract they can, but when deciding between hundred-million deals, don’t tell me you chose one over the other because you needed “security” for your family.
Really? You mean the $205 million from the Jets left you with the feeling your kids might be food insecure but the $215 million from the 49ers allayed those fears? Puh-leeze, you know where I invest my money? Food, Mai Tais, and rent. Now talk to me about security.
Is Aaron Rodgers Raising the Bar?
Since it’s NFL offseason, we might as well busy ourselves with listing last season’s five most highly-paid players in terms of guaranteed money over the life of their contracts.
But this year could set an entirely new bar with Aaron Rodgers certain to demand a fortune from whichever team he ultimately joins. Without further ado, let’s join hands and get jealous.
Top 5 NFL Moneymakers
1. Player: Deshaun Watson
- Team: Cleveland Browns
- Contract: $230 million
Deshaun Watson set the gold standard after being traded from Houston to Cleveland when the Browns inked him to a five-year, $230M fully guaranteed deal including a $44.9M signing bonus, coupled with a no-trade clause through the life of the contract. Damn…
Browns’ owner Jimmy Haslam continues to stand by Deshaun Watson’s fully guaranteed deal 👀 pic.twitter.com/xtU34XCkuQ
— The Sporting News (@sportingnews) March 28, 2023
I guess you could say this was a happy ending for the 3x Pro Bowler.
2. Player: Kyler Murray
- Team: Arizona Cardinals
- Contract: $189.5 million
Five years for $230.5M, with $160M guaranteed. Now if the cheap bastards could’ve tossed in an extra $10M they might’ve convinced Murray to watch the game film.
Funny, at 5’10”, Murray is one of the shortest QBs in the NFL.
3. Player: Russell Wilson
- Team: Denver Broncos
- Contract: $165 million
Seven years for $296M with $124M fully guaranteed at signing, and another $41M in guarantees.
The Broncos bought themselves a fur sink and are just now figuring out it’s not all that practical.
4. Player: Aaron Rodgers
- Team: Green Bay Packers
- Contract: $150.6 million
If you listen to the pundits spreading the NFL news regarding Aaron Rodgers’ destination next season, chances are he will no longer be plying his trade in Green Bay.
NFL Report: #Jets want to give 2nd rd pick for Aaron Rodgers. #Packers want a 1st round pick. pic.twitter.com/akNC5WW8cP
— NFL Rumors (@nflrums) March 27, 2023
The contract he is currently working under is for three years with virtually all of it guaranteed as long he suits up.
But Aaron will be looking for more dough from whoever decides that a 39-year-old quarterback with exactly one Super Bowl on his resume is worth mortgaging the future.
5. Player: Josh Allen
- Team: Buffalo Bills
- Contract: $150 million
The Bills’ gunslinger inked a six-year, $258M pact with $150M guaranteed.
The Godfather has yet to render a Super Bowl to the Bills Mafia but next season just might be the year.
Time to go. Off with my buddies to invest my contract at Mai Tai Tuesdays. I’m outta here. Let’s ride!
