Ah, cheerleaders. Every boy’s fantasy, from wide-eyed middle schoolers to the old folks doddering around in old-age homes. When it comes to hot chicks prancing around in little to none material, time stands still, and every red-blooded American dude, regardless of age, is frozen at 15. What would high school, college, and NFL games be without a troupe of the hottest girls, a collection of prom queens, movin’ and groovin’ on the sidelines?
Let’s check the latest Super Bowl picks, stats, injury reports, and Super Bowl odds. We’ve got plenty of Super Bowl lines for you to consider.
And while everyone else is focused on the Super Bowl, and their picks and predictions, we’re waiting to see, appreciate, and bask in the glory of inspirational femininity. But can you imagine there are seven NFL franchises that have caved to social pressure and eliminated their cheerleading corps?
That’s right, I’m calling out the Buffalo Bills, Cleveland Browns, Chicago Bears, Green Bay Packers, Los Angeles Chargers, New York Giants, and Pittsburgh Steelers. To be fair, the Giants never even had cheerleaders so their fan base has no idea what they’re missing but the rest of these stodgy teams eventually said no más to the women on the sidelines who make every game that much better.
I’m looking for a squad heavy on women and as light as possible on dudes. Look, if you’re a guy who likes to watch brawny beefcakes in skimpy outfits, have at it. But the only junk I want to see it in the trunk, not in the front. Don’t get on me because I prefer tacos over hotdogs, you do you, and I’ll do me. Here we go.
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These are my Top 5 picks for NFL Cheerleading Squads
Cowboys Cheerleaders – Previously known as the Cowgirls, this iconic squad stays true to its roots. Unlike the vast majority of the teams out there that have essentially outfitted their girls with duct-taped reinforced sports bras, this squad lets it all hang out and isn’t afraid to show off the bounty of riches that the good lord gave them.
Living out our dreams beyond the football field, but we’ll always love the game! 🏈💙 Happy National Girls & Women in Sports Day! #DallasCowboys | #NGWSD2023 pic.twitter.com/5QF5SpDFEW
— Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (@DCCheerleaders) February 1, 2023
Yes, golden hour hits different in Mexico. Here’s Cowboys cheerleader Tori Skillings showing off her… well, you know, her skills. Muy caliente!
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Dolphins – Taylor Swift may not be your jam but if not turn down the volume and just pretend you’re at whatever exotic destination inhabited by these South Beach smokers. Sun-kissed, sun-splashed beauties dancing in the tropics, just for you. Thank you, Miami.
Here’s a solid 10/10 for Dolphins’ Jared de Armas. Ruthless!
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Cardinals – These lovely lasses of the desert are all about dancing with somebody and I’d love to accommodate them but I’d be doing the white man’s overbite and looking as uncomfortable as they look stunning.
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Eagles – Doesn’t this remind you of the female cop who storms into a bachelor party and instead of breaking things up, she’s all about stripping down? I have no doubt this young thang is a bona fide Eagles’ cheerleader but I give props for the strip club vibe.
Just a few short hours away from the NFC CHAMPIONSHIP!! 🤩#EaglesCheer | #GoBirds | #FlyEaglesFly pic.twitter.com/sL9KXV50Os
— Eagles Cheerleaders (@EaglesCheer) January 29, 2023
Eagles Cheerleaders soaking up the sun in AZ ready for the Big Game! #FlyEaglesFly!
Soakin’ up the sun! ☀️#EaglesCheer | #SBLVII | #FlyEaglesFly pic.twitter.com/DsG4OtTI0p
— Eagles Cheerleaders (@EaglesCheer) February 9, 2023
Jaguars – The smoke show being interviewed is Whitney Cowart and the guy interviewing her is – who cares – all I know is that for some reason I’m in desperate search of a binky.
I’m outta here! Let’s ride!
