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Celebrities We Would Cast in Our Dream Gambling Movie

From Willem Dafoe to Florence Pugh, This Fan Cast Is Epic

Jamie Johnson Jamie Johnson
- 2 min read
Celebrities We Would Cast in Our Dream Gambling Movie
Florence Pugh / Mike Coppola/Getty Images/AFP

Five Leads, Zero Survivors 😳

To star in a truly great gambling movie, you’ve gotta have that intangible magic (think Clive Owen in Croupier). That haunted, high-stakes swag. Luckily for us, we’re not bound by budget or logic; we’re doing a completely unhinged fan cast so stacked it would never actually happen, because each of these people could carry a film solo. But hey, maybe Netflix is out of ideas and has $200 million to burn.

Willem Dafoe

The man. The myth. The homoerotic lighthouse keeper and part-time Green Goblin. And before we get started, I hope we can all agree that there’s truly no greater pleasure in this life than Willem Dafoe movies.

Now that that’s settled, in this hypothetical film, Willem plays the Bellwether Casino’s ghostlike founder who is equal parts mentally unstable and strangely wise. He drifts through the halls with wide eyes, rhythmically chanting things like, “The house doesn’t win. It remembers.”

Florence Pugh

I told you we were bringing out the heavy hitters, and honestly, any fan cast without the May Queen just feels wrong. Florence Pugh would play the earnest reporter undercover as a gambler, who unwittingly gets tangled in the Bellwether’s dark secrets. Conveniently, she also grew up in a doomsday cult, so she’s freakishly good at disguise and hand-to-hand combat.

Jacob Elordi

The hot dummy. Every cursed casino needs one. He stumbles into the off-limits vault room trying to hook up with someone—maybe Florence, maybe Anya—and accidentally triggers an ancient curse sealed behind a wall of broken slot machines.

Donald Glover

The conspiracy guy. The genius. The savior? He’s been tracking Bellwether-related deaths since 2006 and has a map that connects them all.

Possibly mentally unstable. Possibly a ghost. Definitely the first one to say “This doesn’t adhere to gambling regulations,” and also the first to say, “This place is f*cked up.”

Anya Taylor-Joy

She arrives in a trench coat and never explains who sent her, but it’s clear that she knows her way around cash casinos. She’s always one step ahead until she’s suddenly not. By the end, she’s repeating Dafoe’s lines word for word, staring at her reflection like an old friend. Was she ever real? Unclear. But she looks bangin’ doing it.

Luckily for us, we’re not actually being held hostage by a haunted casino, but if that’s ever a genuine fear of yours, I have excellent casino news for you. There’s always the online casino route, where you can explore plenty of legit online gambling options from the safety of your (hopefully unpossessed) home.

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