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Gerard Pique: What Idiot Doesn’t Like Jam?

Doughnuts, peanut butter, toast, cupcakes, pies – the list of delicious partners for strawberry jam are endless. Still, the idiot we know as Gerard Pique just lost even more respect because he “never eats strawberry jam.”

This groundbreaking revelation came to light following a recent interview with the beautiful and talented Shakira, as she revealed how she learned about his infidelity.

Gerard Pique: What Idiot Doesn't Like Jam?
Colombian singer Shakira - Javier Soriano / AFP

“I had been away from home, and Pique never eats strawberry jam.”

If you’ve been living under a rock, Pique cheated on Shakira, and their relationship was under the spotlight in 2022 as one of the most high-profile celebrity break-ups.

The multi-platinum-selling artist alluded to the jam situation in the music video for her single Te Felicito, where she’s seen opening a fridge to discover a man’s head – conveniently placed under a bowl of strawberries.

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From Super Bowl Shows to Soccer Superstars… A Disgrace to Men Worldwide

It’s simple to see Pique is a disgrace to men worldwide in more ways than one.

First of all, jam is delicious. Second, Shakira? Come on, bro; this is the kind of behavior we expect from a professional boxer, somebody who has been punched in the head and lost significant brain cells. But a soccer player?

Unfortunately, Pique partook in a soft sport – like 80% of soccer players who stumble 20 feet from a light shoulder barge – and he has no excuses for his actions.

Having played for Manchester and Barcelona while under the tutelage of masterminds such as Pep Guardiola, I expected more common sense.

The debate is settled; the man is a fucking idiot.

Shakira: Fuck Around and Find Out

Tupac? Biggie? Eminem?

No baby, it’s ‘Shakira-Shakira’ dropping bombs as she blasts her new diss track at high volume for the neighbors.

Did you notice the witch doll placed on the balcony? Well, this happens when you cheat on one of the world’s most beautiful girls and leave her in the family home opposite your mother’s house.

Pique began publicly dating Clara Chia Marti, a 22-year-old who works in his office. So disgustingly cliché, urgh. Nobody should be threatened, but the couple has received hate ever since, and I don’t care – homewreckers… How dare you go public and expect no backlash? Cheeky bastards!

Yep, Shakira is sending shots in more ways than one. If you didn’t love her before, jump on the bandwagon because she’s a bad bitch we should all support.

Shakira doesn’t leave much to the imagination in the diss track, and here are my two favorite lines:

“I’m worth two 22’s. You traded a Ferrari for a Twingo. You traded a Rolex for a Casio.”

“You left my mother-in-law as my neighbor, with the press at the door and the debt in the Treasury…”

Funnily enough, Pique was recently spotted with Irina Shayk at a Detroit Pistons and Chicago Bulls game. And Chia Marti could soon learn you should never trust the man who cheated to be with you.

This is additionally a glimpse of karma working its magic. Pique went from Shakira to a senseless member of his staff, to Cristiano Ronaldo‘s sloppy seconds – All while being forced to watch the Pistons and the Bulls for added suffering.

In conclusion, are we surprised?

Fame, money, and the male athlete’s grandiose ego don’t own the best reputation. One study reports 80% of professional athletes go through a divorce.

Pique joins a long list of incredibly stupid athletes who’ve been caught doing the dirty:

  • NFL wide receiver Chad Johnson brought condoms and kept the receipt, just when you thought stupid doesn’t get much higher than Pique; 4.5 out of 5.0 for stupidity levels.
  • NBA star Carmelo Anthony impregnated an exotic dancer (Perhaps he should have borrowed some of Johnson’s rubbers).; 4.8 out of 5.0 on the stupidity scale.
  • PGA legend Tiger Woods tarnished his reputation when his wife discovered a text on his phone. Textbook idiocracy that led to dozens of alleged mistresses from Woods’ past coming out; 4.1 out of 5.0 for Tiger, and the IRONy is bliss as his wife chased him out of the house with a golf club.
  • Famous boxer Oscar De La Hoya allowed an exotic dancer to take photos of him wearing fishnet stockings, panties, and heels. The images let us all know, including his wife, that he was a scumbag cheat; 5.0 out of 5.0 for De La Hoya, you freak!

The lesson here, you can’t have your cake (jam) and eat it. Don’t be a scumbag, be a genuinely good person, and don’t let another jerk eat Shakira’s jam.

And here’s the song, for everyone’s delight.


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